My first final paper for this semester will be a day after tomorrow and I just covered one out of I don't even know how many chapters. I have approximately 48 hours left. I don't know what is so wrong with me but I am aware of my fucked up life. I don't feel like living it anymore. I am trying to sound cheery like my old self but I lost it, that part of me is gone. Thinking of it makes me sadder. I know exactly what had happened. I decided to permanently change myself for a reason than stayed in my life for only 3 years before it went astray. And know I have nothing to hold on to. Imagine yourself trying to go against the river flow, against the nature of yourself, holding to a rope that's there to protect you from the current. Then the rope snapped but you're still on your way -tumbling.

So I closed my eyes and let the tears took it's suicidal fall that killed me inside little by little as I picked up my book and tried to read through my blurred vision. Can I know how to survive? 

preface.

Hi. Before I started this I hoped that I could write about the current issues, anything beneficial to my readers but then I thought I wont probably have any readers so yeah.. gotta keep the archives just for myself and for those who may be present in my life.

Have someone ever said to you that they care about you, possibly until forever? I don't really buy that. My family never said that but I know they don't have to because they really do. Truth is, you don't have to say it even though you mean it. Show it instead.

So, how bout that for my first post? :)

love, AD.