My first final paper for this semester will be a day after tomorrow and I just covered one out of I don't even know how many chapters. I have approximately 48 hours left. I don't know what is so wrong with me but I am aware of my fucked up life. I don't feel like living it anymore. I am trying to sound cheery like my old self but I lost it, that part of me is gone. Thinking of it makes me sadder. I know exactly what had happened. I decided to permanently change myself for a reason than stayed in my life for only 3 years before it went astray. And know I have nothing to hold on to. Imagine yourself trying to go against the river flow, against the nature of yourself, holding to a rope that's there to protect you from the current. Then the rope snapped but you're still on your way -tumbling.

So I closed my eyes and let the tears took it's suicidal fall that killed me inside little by little as I picked up my book and tried to read through my blurred vision. Can I know how to survive?